"I Should Not Be Here"

A great cause of misery is the background sense of “I should not be here”. From early on we are often taught that where you are going is far more important than where you are, that there is nothing special here, the glory and the relief lies somewhere else, somewhere else that you need to get to.

Sometimes we can develop a background, general sense of “I should not be here”, whether it is here in this moment, or here experiencing the body and the world. Then many things can be imbued with this same sense, like “my mind should not be like this”, “my life should not be like this”, and so on.

It can help to see if this operates in you, the sense “I should not be here”. Sometimes it has been there for so long, that it goes completely unnoticed. It may just be a feeling or a sensation rather than a thought.

If the urge to always be elsewhere, to be at some other place or point in time is noticed, then this is not the time to say “this feeling should not be here”. Just notice if it helps, notice if it is just creating pain.

When the educated sense “I should not be here” falls away, then the conflict with life decreases, and perhaps surprisingly, action can continue, things can happen, but you are no longer endlessly struggling away from it all.