Question:
I am really confused about what to accept. Thoughts, emotions, myself, external conditions?
Sometimes I engage myself in self-destructive behaviour because I can't stand negative emotions. Although I realize that these are just thoughts and feelings, and to let them be, sometimes I just can't stand them anymore and then do something self-destructive. Then I begin to think that maybe it would be the right thing to accept circumstances beside thoughts and feelings? It helped me a little bit, but now I am really confused, because accepting things seems to be so controversial.
If I accept that I am angry, for example, then this means I'm not accepting some external circumstance (I wouldn't be angry if I was accepting). If I gently turn myself to accept that circumstance that triggered anger, then I am not accepting my anger. What's the right thing to do in this kind of a situation? I must be doing something wrong, because accepting seems so complicated and difficult and negative emotions unbearable.
Response:
Accepting is easy, because it isn't an action. It's just an absence of resistance. If you make acceptance into something to DO, then you will feel constantly on duty to accept every thought feeling, situation, person etc. Just relax the tendency to fight, seek and escape. That's all.
The habit of resistance and strain may still operate for a while. Do not identify with it. Do not fight it.
You don't need to say "I am angry so must accept it". Don't even label your experience. Just allow it. It is not complicated, but the mind that is trying to understand is complicated.
Drop all of your analysis of how you feel, why you feel it and how you should be feeling.
Emotions may be felt more strongly at first, but the fight with them is what keeps them alive. Even if inner fighting is happening, don't fight that either.
When people talk about acceptance, it is just allowing the present, immediate experience to be as it is. It is not like living somewhere and then saying "I live in a dump, so I must accept that" - no, it is not so conceptual, it is about experience, not what the mind describes the experience to be. The mind cannot really get it, so don’t use it for this. The mind is resistance. Your direct, energetic experience already is as it is. Let it be. Even the personal mind is part of experience. Let it be.
Allow everything to be, then let action emerge from here. Allowance does not mean becoming static and rigid, in fact it allows flow and movement far more easily than when resistance has taken over.