I have had a look through your topics and posts as I have no understanding on how to find peace within.
When I read your topics about the pain body and ego it made sense and I was alertly aware that I have these entities or negative energies inside of me.
What do I do now? I watch, but judgement is there.
I sit with it and within time it passes only to come back again; to give me the sense that I am failing at something. I don't even know what exactly I am failing at, but I feel it.
Follows is confusion. So much confusion. I give up.
I read this given up phase is in a way acceptance. I do accept, but still feels heavy and burdensome.
I sometimes wonder if the society I am surrounded by is always telling me I should be this, I could be this - I have to have dreams, ambition and be a certain somebody. I wonder if this is what gets me down, because I put these expectations on myself.
I don't know the answer. I don't think I ever will.
All I ever watch is sinking, emotional and physical pain, and a never ending vicious cycle. I can't help judge it, it's all I ever see. I see nothing else to compare it to.
I don't even know how to stop judging it. How does one stop judging? It doesn't make sense to me. I hear about murders, children being molested or killed, women being raped - brutal things all the time I hear about. I can't help judge, I can't help wonder what a terrible world we live in.
One friend of mine told me I am attracting this to myself, yet I dumbfounded my friend with my reply "Well, if you are so happy and see nothing wrong with the world, why were you attracted to me as a friend and keep me in your life?"
They like me had no answer.
When people speak of peace, they speak like they have reached a state of mind that nothing will ever effect them again. They have no fear of death, they feel joy in everything and things just seem to make sense to them. Is this true though? Surely they are human and will snap at certain things. Surely they still have to judge and speculate certain situations.
Also, if we have no control of what our bodies do or how life will evolve within time, that says to me that I as a human being remain in this state for as long as nature wishes. And if I have an enlightenment or epiphany about this. . . then no, peace doesn't feel great at all. It is what it is and it doesn't mean I have to like it either.
Or, I could have it all wrong because of my judgemental mind. Again, I can't help it. I can't wake up one morning and decide - okay I will change my mood, I will go out of my way to change my life. It doesn't happen.
Also, I hear spiritual teachers mention things that we have to accept things as they are and not to react and just watch. Well, I certainly wouldn't allow a person to punch me in the face and be passive about it. Would you?
What exactly is peace, are you able to clarify? I don't understand why some humans understand and others are not able to. Is this the balance? Is that what makes it fair? The ones who don't understand peace are being punished for something? If I am vague I do apologize. I just need clarification on exactly how you remain space like. . .to not judge. I have no clue how to even begin.
Is it about changing perspective? Changing your mind? I have no clue, but your reply would be very welcomed.
I am suffering and I cannot see a way out of this mind-made mess I am in.
Thank you for reading,
This is all coming from mind, or from thought. The voice that has gone on judging things and commentating on life for so long says “But how can I stop this? I can’t help but do it.” So you can hear this voice. If you can hear this voice, then is the voice who you are?
“Yes, this voice is who I am” is another voice that you can hear.
Most of this trouble comes from trying to live up to an ideal, particularly an ideal way of living, or of feeling. If you think you should feel a certain way, then you will often feel uncomfortable trying to get there. You don’t have to try to be perfect, just let yourself feel however you are feeling, notice that all voices in your head are heard by you, they are not who you are.
Trying to understand all of this through more thinking will often lead to someone feeling confused. The mind says “I don’t get it.” But there is nothing to get intellectually. It is not to do with thinking or understanding through concepts.
If you are trying to get to a different state to the one that you are already in, it will feel like a constant struggle.
So, believing you are the voice in the head is what causes most misery and confusion. Emotions can be there, the mind can still be there, it is not as if everything must disappear or change before you can be at peace. The search for peace takes place within peace. There is a stillness which the searching takes place in, which does not mind the search going on. It is untouched.
Acceptance doesn’t automatically mean no movement. So if someone is punching you and you see it coming, there can be an evasion on your part, naturally. Even hitting back. In fact resistance is what can make someone freeze up, go stiff and close their eyes.
Forget what you think acceptance means, or what the consequences of it will be. Action that comes out of acceptance tends to be far more inspired and intelligent and natural compared to one that comes from a dense resistance in the body/mind. But we often don’t trust this. An idea or action (if necessary) comes spontaneously, by itself from within, through the gap that resistance was taking up. It is not something we can plan out or predict as we could our conditioned, logical thinking.
It is interesting that often when there is talk of acceptance, letting the moment be as it is, the mind flares up with extremes or reasons why this would be a terrible idea…”So if I get attacked then I just have to stand there and take it?” “If I’m in a bad situation then I can’t get out?” - but this is all rubbish, it is incapable of understanding the universe.
A good example is one that Eckhart Tolle has used. If you are stuck in the mud, you don’t even need to judge it to recognise that it would be intelligent to get out of the mud and be free from it. It is naturally clear. Letting yourself be stuck in the mud does not mean you put a clamp on all movement that would naturally happen. You let the body move as it wishes. Without the panic and terror or resistance to keep you dwelling on the negative, then without unnecessary struggle, you will make your way out.
When the idea of acceptance is entertained, we are usually confronted by dormant resistance within us. It swarms around thinking and says “No, then nothing would change, you would just be stuck where you are unless you resisted what is.” But this is just a way to keep its own energy alive. Resistance is what attracts what you are resisting, resistance is what clogs the mind with denseness and rigidity. But it often feels dangerous to let that go, because we lose the tie to the ego, which is built on resistance.
I realise there are probably questions I have not responded to, but if anything, realise the futility of trying to understand it mentally. Even if you thought you did understand, you would still be stuck in that. Understanding can be as much of a trap as not understanding.
Thanks for getting in touch,