How do I deal with or cope with intense suicidal feelings? They frighten me so much and I don't think my family can take any more of me calling them during the night when the feelings get so intense. I don't know what to do. Can you help me?
I'm not sure if I can help. Do you feel as if you fight with these thoughts or feelings? Do you wish they were not there? If you find yourself afraid and wrestling with these voices and emotions, then you will forever feel in a battle.
Have you ever given up the fight with them, no longer needing to resist or satisfy the feelings? Are they you? Do you decide that they arise or do they arise by themselves? Is there a "you" that is separate from these feelings and sensations? You say that these things scare you, so what exactly are you? Are you an entity that is separate from these thoughts and feelings but still feels in conflict with them, or does this feeling of being an entity arise as another thought or sensation?
These feelings will feel more overwhelming the more you believe yourself to be a particular thing, a particular person, a particular self-image. What is the real nature of yourself? Resistance may arise if this is looked at inwardly, as if something is resisting annihilation, but it is all fine, just look at what you are. Are you anything at all?
An alternative is to completely give up trying to make yourself feel better. What happens when you no longer wish that you were feeling differently, as if there were truly no alternative to aim for?
I'm not sure how much these questions will help you...
Your question ends with "I don't know what to do?" - so don't do anything. The belief that you are something that must do something to fix yourself is what keeps up the feeling of struggle and misery. If you did not one day do something to create these experiences, then does it make sense that you have to do something to fix it? Is there any reality to the entity that can control or fix the experience?