I am a 55 year old man, much interested in spirituality. My problem is that whenever I come across beautiful women, I am attracted by them, even have the feeling of sexual desire.
I know it is bad, but I can not control it. Please help me.
No need to call these things bad. This is an idea that you have been told, that these feelings are bad. They are not bad. They are as they are. Concern may be more justified if they took someone over so much that other people were violated, but it seems this is not the case.
First of all, stop fighting them. Watch them happen. You have said yourself that you can not control them. Good. So if they are uncontrollable, are they really anything to do with you? The mental image that you have of yourself as a person who is a body - gets dragged in to sexual desires. This makes you feel as if you are the one producing these feelings that you can’t stop. Really what happens is that these feelings arise by themselves, and subside by themselves. They are part of nature, not your personal responsibility.
What fuels them is your belief and identity mixed in with them. Watch them, do not identify. See them as separate from you, which becomes clear when you watch them, when you observe them without judgement. Witnessing without judgement is a staggeringly effective tool for feelings like this, or any other emotion. Don’t expect them to disappear or dissolve, just witness them impartially.
When you observe these feelings, be aware of what is observing them. You are the awareness of these feelings, so don’t take responsibility for the feelings arising.
The fact that you can not control them means you can give up assigning them importance and attention. This may not seem easy, because they surely have a strong pull, and the pleasure-seeking part of the mind believes it will get something from these feelings arising, so is quick to go off and fuel them. Observe all of this happening, without interpretation or responsibility.
It is natural for a male form to be attracted to a female form. To witness this attraction and desire in yourself, without judging it, is where most of us miss our chance. If you can allow these feelings to arise, for the energy of attraction to move, yet be an uninterested witness, then this can be a profound spiritual practice. This is in fact a great way to become more conscious, by witnessing desire arise without interfering. Then you see you are not the desire, you are the awareness. This recognition happens automatically.
All these things you describe are energetic movements, part of the human experience. The desire to be free from them is understandable. You can not be free from something that you wish to control or manipulate. You can’t be free from anything if you give great importance and value to it, or show great interest in it. So cease turning these energies into a personal problem. You are beyond them, since you can witness their absence and their presence. Notice the attention and importance that immediately goes to these feelings. When you notice importance being assigned, then importance is no longer assigned, and power is removed.
You will not feel so dominated by sexual desire if you can be fully aware that the enjoyment of sex is not permanent. Once the desire is satisfied, it comes back again. The sex desire seems one of the most cunning, since it promises great pleasure and satisfaction as if it will last. But the satisfaction never lasts. If you can be aware that whatever sex desire fulfilled will come back again once it regains energy, then the mind’s need to satisfy its own desires will not be taken so seriously. Sexual energy may be there, but it will no longer dominate your being.
All of this will be easier if you drop your identity. Have no opinions about yourself. Don’t even assume that you are a body. Without a strong conceptual identity, the sex desire can not keep such a grip. After all, who is there to be gripped and molested by these inner energies? What is affected by them is only a self image, an idea of “me”. If you look for this person who is affected by these desires internally, if you try to locate him to determine his reality, you may find that he does not exist.
So to conclude – don’t let your mind turn this into a problem. Don’t call this bad. Don’t do anything. Refrain from expending your energy in giving importance to these feelings. Then without effort, they are witnessed, allowed, and their power over you is removed.
Hope that has helped somehow,
All the best,
Comments for How To Control My Mind
(from previous website)
Feb 10, 2014
Sir, it was so nice to read your response.You have helped me.
Dec 08, 2014
Socially 'unacceptable' attraction NEW
What if the attraction and desire is for a form that is in a marriage. I do not act on the desire - it no longer causes me any pain as I no longer label the feeling as wrong or try to resist it...I simply let it be...however it always seems to be present . Why do we experience stronger feelings of attraction to certain forms over others. I am aware that we are consciousness and not the form yet there seems to exist a stronger 'draw' (at least while we are still in human form)to the energy of some beings over others. I would greatly appreciate some enlightenment from on this perplexing thought.
Dec 17, 2014
Re: "Socially Unacceptable Attraction"NEW
by: Adam - InnerPeaceNow.com
I really have no answers in to the mechanics of why. It could be explained in so many ways - biologically or genetically, emotionally or energetically - and I really have no answer for you, sorry. It may not feel so prevalent if you recognise the futility of it. Perhaps it remains as a disturbance if there is a belief that the desire will produce a desirable outcome. Perhaps not.