My name is Akash. I am 33 years old. From my childhood I have a habit of talking to myself loudly. It seems there is one "I" and one "You" are talking to each other. I am the one who questions loudly and I am the one who replies. Besides, I am a muscular distrophy patient, can't walk and I always take the help of others for my works, most of the time this was and is unacceptable to me.
After reading Eckhart Tolle's book "The Power of Now" I tried not to talk to myself and started to listen to whatever comes and I saw that the conversation between I and You is still going on and I find it very hard to stop it. Sometimes the language of the conversation is very negative and abusive. Sometimes when I try to stop the conversation and take my attention outside of my mind, I find a pressure on my chest. Sometimes in my mind the "You" says "you are doing it wrong, nothing will happen, it will not go". I want to know the process to stay present always. Should I listen to the conversation without doing anything? Please help.
There is no process to stay present always.
If you try to stop any thought, any feeling, any resistance, any reaction, any inner turbulence, then you will feel tied up in everything. There is no need for mind-control or suppression.
Both voices, both sides of the arguments, are not your responsibility to control or maintain. They happen by themselves, with no control on your part. You hear both voices, so how could you be either? It may seem as if they terrorise or torture you, but the "you" that is or feels tortured, is another self-image, another thought that is taken to be who you are.
You are already listening to the conversation without doing anything, and then a resistance reflex arises that acts as if it is resisting or forming opinions about what is happening. If you believe that this resistance reflex is who you are, then it will seem nearly impossible to relinquish resistance. It is simply a reflex that happens by itself.
Give less importance to your opinions about what the mind is or should be.
You are not the feeling of being a person. You are simply the being.
You can listen to the conversations without doing anything, yes. Then without your effort, it is seen that you are not the voices in the head. You may find that you do not wish to give such importance to these voices. They are painful and are not true representatives of anything - they are just a bunch of opinions, usually from other people. Notice that they claim to be true, but can not possibly be true, since they are always limited interpretations based on a way of thinking that has come from other people.
So you may not even be interested in listening to them. You are the substratum, the silence and being that exists prior to and during the movement of thought. There is nothing personal in this.
If you give up trying to fight or manipulate your mind, it will lose its power without you needing to do anything about it.
Hope that helps,
Comments for Talking To Myself...
(from previous website)
Dec 29, 2014
doing nothing is the key
The more i realise that everything is an uncontrollable reaction and there is nothing that i need to do about it the easier things seem to flow. I ask anyone to tell me what they will be thinking about in 1 hours time? trust me you don't know, and that fact alone should tell you that trying to control thoughts, voices, content is a recipe for suffering....take the view that non of it really matters and most of it is wrong anyway...
Dec 30, 2014
New Experience NEW
Yesterday I found that when I am doing nothing and listening to those conversations, there comes a point when suddenly there is complete silence and I loved it. It stayed for sometime, but again the conversation begun. I understand that this is the way, actually I have to do nothing at all and I am present. Sometimes back I had a fear that I will become a patient of schizophrenia, because my symptoms where matching, but I think I don't need to go to a doctor, rather I will follow on this non-doing. Sometimes it feels like I am no one, the I or Me inside my mind is something that doesn't belong to me, when I first realized that I felt fear inside me, but now its ok. Thank u Adam for your advice. Your website is very helpful.
Dec 30, 2014
by: Adam - InnerPeaceNow.com
Thanks for your comment Max, and thanks for your comment Akash.
Glad the site is helpful Akash, I do not wish to add much more in case it turns something in to another "doing", other than to say your inner revelations are very encouraging. Let yourself be unattached to any particular state, but as the "you" in the mind drops off, this will no longer make any sense, which is also fine.