How Can I Just Be?


Hey Adam, how do I let go of trying to be the centre of attention and instead just be. I notice in social situation I am always putting a lot of pressure on myself to please others and trying to be perfect.


Just no longer believe that you ARE that energy movement. It is an impulse, a habit, which in itself is neutral. It is only thought which labels it as bad or negative. But you can already notice it happening, which is a significant step. The only thing is to see that it is like a wave that arises by itself, and it will fall by itself. If you think that it is in your control, the attention snaps into it and holds it there, and then a battle begins of "how can I stop doing this?" You don't have to stop anything at all. Let everything be there, and then what is just useless will go of its own accord, without you even asking it to.

The need to please others and be perfect often just comes from the feeling that there is something wrong with you that needs to be fixed, or there is a gap in you that needs to be filled by approval, recognition, or praise. So the intention to be seen as worthy is just a result of feeling unworthy in the first place. Notice first, that there is a sense that there is a feeling of wholeness or completion or goodness that you want to get from someone else. Noticing that is enough, the expectation that someone else give you something to make you feel good inside. And then see the impossibility of it, that no one actually hands you good feelings and then says "here, enjoy." It all comes from within you, but we get taught that we can only feel good, whole or accepted as long as we have permission from others. The seeking for approval drops by itself, the more that you see that your own sense of wholeness or worth comes from the sense of being, by itself, and that you don't actually need it from anyone.

If you want something from someone else, especially emotionally or psychologically, you will always feel dependent on them to feel good. Praise can easily turn to blame, applause can the next week turn to criticism. See them as both the same, that they are not in your control, or any of your business.

That is the final thing - believing that you can control how other people see you. Answer it plainly, yes or no - can you control what someone else thinks of you?

And who are you?

Hope that can help.