How To Be More Decisive

Question:

Hi Adam, I am a very indecisive person. Whenever I have to make a decision I always tend to take a really long time as I want to take everything into consideration. I find this really frustrating. I find I miss out a lot in life because I am always waiting to make the perfect decision. Please help…


Response:

Experiment with not making decisions with your head. Let your heart guide you. I mean this quite literally, take your attention into your body and entertain an idea of something to do. If the heart area contracts, then do not do it. If there is an opening or a peace or a quiet emptiness, then go with that.

Say yes to life more, not necessarily yes to everything you are asked to do, but say yes to each moment, let each moment be as it is, without mentally interpreting it.

Have more attention in your body. Don’t value your mental commentary so much, you are noticing that it is becoming just too congested and complicated. If it is cut off from intuition, then it just becomes a mess, because it doesn’t actually know anything, but tries to work everything out. Intuition lives in the body rather than the head. Be aware of its breathing, feel what it is like to have a body, feel the presence within it, the life within it.

Notice that life happens by itself already, your heart beats, lungs breathe, blood flows by itself. Let this intelligence emerge into the outer things. It is already there anyway. Notice that your fears of making the wrong decision are no longer serving, but just constricting. If you notice this without condemning them or trying to change your inner state, things will likely lighten up.

If you do not know what to do, just be quiet and start moving. See what spontaneously happens. Or you may just not move, which is fine.

And finally, don’t beat yourself up for being indecisive. Don’t add anything to the battle. Indecision is like two voices debating each other isn’t it? You are neither voice, since you can hear them speaking. Let the indecisive pattern be there, but notice it is not intelligent. The intelligence is the silence beneath it, the space in which it emerges. Relax from focusing so much on the mental ideas, and feel what it is like to be alive. Then action flows naturally.

No need to force a decision, let one rise up as a feeling, a sense, rather than a thought backed up by logic and reasons and all the rest.

If you follow this site and what it points to, or anything similar that is available to you, you may find that as the interest in mental debates lessens, a greater trust in life, and an intuitive power begins to emerge, by itself, without you asking for it. Then decisions begin to feel ready-made, rather than a product of rational thinking.

What can also help, is realising that you don't actually know anything. Some people may have experienced it more strongly than others, that what they thought was best, or what they thought was bad, actually was not, that their own understanding of life and its happenings are extremely small, limited, and often incorrect. If you feel like you don't know what to do, that is good. It allows for stillness, for intelligence to emerge. The only difficultly comes when you feel like you should know what to do, when you try to force a decision, when you try to "make" a decision, then everything just becomes mental and cut off from life.

Hope some of that can help somehow,

Adam

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