Part 1 - Part 2
How To Deal With Anger In Yourself
How to deal with anger can be simply described in three stages:
- Awareness of anger arising within you - noticing the distinction between you (the awareness) and the emotion.
- Holding awareness without any judgement, resistance or mental labelling.
- Accepting the emotion/feeling as it is and letting it be completely. Not interfering with it. Being the space for the emotion.
Once you can begin to notice that anger arises by itself, you are bringing conscious presence (or awareness) into an emotional response that was previously unconscious. Making it conscious means you remove your sense of self (identification) from it, and it loses its power over you. Anger may still be there, but you can distinguish between yourself (the awareness) and the emotion or thought of anger.
Awareness of anger separates it from you, acceptance transmutes it into peace
Once you are aware of it, let it be. Do not judge it, just silently observe. Even love it as it arises. This unconditional acceptance means that the anger can not survive in you for long. This loving acceptance is the opposite of anger (based on fear), and transmutes the anger or fear into greater peace that the acceptance brings. Dealing with anger is the same as dealing with the pain body.
Be aware that something in you wants to feel angry. Something in you enjoys it. This is the pain body or pain energy. Feel how it loves pain, and loves to enhance the feeling of separation between you and someone or something else. The ego lives on separation.
The trick of the ego is to say that anger and resistance towards something (such as a situation) will prevent it from arising or perpetuating. However, if there is potential for anger in you towards something, you are likely to manifest/attract this outer experience in your reality again, because your exterior world reflects your inner state. The anger actually makes it more likely to happen, so the ego can stay in place.
The ego's answer to how to deal with anger is to resist it, feed it, and keep the primary cause of anger in place. It attempts to "resolve" it by interfering with external conditions rather than eliminating the source of anger within.
How To Deal With Anger In Others
How to deal with anger in others is to first notice how the individual has been consumed by this emotional energy (pain energy/pain body), and they do not even realise. They are basically sleep walking, with something else possessing their mind. It is not who they are. Compassion arises more easily when you view anger in others in this way.
Let them be. They have a right to be angry if that is what they choose (everyone ultimately has a choice). If the moment requires speech or action on your part, you will find these things being done without any inner resistance or negativity from you. You do or do not do whatever the moment requires. It is as if the moment uses you for the benefit of itself, rather than you trying to change the moment into what you want it to be. This is conscious action, and comes from an inner nonresistance to what is. Life lives through you in this way, and you are the awareness behind all of it.
If you become identified with the anger arising in you, this feeds the anger. Anger will likely react through you and look to strengthen itself in another person as well.
Angry people may try to provoke you to react negatively to give their emotional state and sense of self a reality. Do no such thing. Just remain present, and their anger will sort itself out. Let the moment be, in whatever disguise it is in. Remember that right action emerges from this place of peace, not from resistance on your part.
All you can do is observe the other's pain body playing out, and observe your own inner state. You may still find reactions taking place inside you. So use this as a spiritual practice. Dissolve your ego through awareness and acceptance. You may be surprised at what effect this has on the situation when you are in this state. Things seem to resolve themselves quicker through nonresistance than when you get sucked into the drama and negativity.
Many people do not realise they have a choice not to be angry. Not many people are aware of how to deal with anger. When people are identified with their own anger, they tend to believe it is completely necessary and natural. They can not see the insanity of it. It makes perfect sense to the ego, so they also believe it makes perfect sense.
If you resist anger, you feed it. If you do not react, you give it no reality.
All anger stems from fear of the ego. If it feels threatened (which it often does), anger is a common defense mechanism. Notice it in yourself and others. A simple noticing can have a significant effect on your inner peace.
Anger Comes From Within
To know how to deal with anger, you need to realise its source.
Separate the situation from your thoughts about it. Your thoughts are the main sources of pain.
Anger comes from inside you, not from outside you. The world merely shows you the anger that is already there. You believe a situation makes you angry, but it is your reaction that make you angry. The external situation just acts as a trigger of what is already in you. The external situation is just a reflection of your inner state.
Treat this life as a cleansing process. Each moment shows you the illusions that still dwell inside you, so you can free yourself from them.
Dealing with anger is easy when you can allow it to be and give it no power over you. Do not get involved with it. Just observe it the same as you can observe the words on this screen.
Part 1 - Part 2