How To Let Go Of What Others Think Or Say?


Hi Adam, how do you let go of the fear of what other people think or say about you and let it go? Especially family members who don't like you and you don't know why as you have never done anything to them. But when I meet them they make negetive comments to me. Thank you.


Hi, I partly answered this already at this link which you may find helpful:

Apart from that, I could say a few things.

We basically believe that if we care about what others think of us, then we will be safer. Of course this is true, if we believe that we are egos. The ego, the sense of being a separate person with a limited lifespan, or the psychological identity, will always feel as if it is safe, as if it exists, if it is worrying about what others think or say of it. It thinks safety is in being perceived well, and death is in being perceived badly. The negative comments make it feel smaller and weaker, the positive comments make it feel bigger and stronger.

But, it is a trick. The attempt to find safety in the opinions of others, just makes you feel unsafe, and often just exacerbates a sense of weakness and shakiness inside. Perhaps you hold negative beliefs about yourself which you automatically assume to be true, and when someone else points it out or thinks it, it triggers that same negativity in you.

It really all comes down to how you perceive yourself, or in other words, what you think or believe about yourself. If you believe you are greedy, and that this is bad, when someone points it out, you will feel negative in some way. If you believe you are greedy, and that this is good, when someone points it out, you will feel good. If you don't believe you are greedy, and someone points it out, then it will just be meaningless to you. The power is not out there, it is all to do with what you are believing about yourself. Look inside yourself for a moment - who do you actually believe you are? 

If you ask the question, and you get a thought or sensation arise as if that is yourself - then is it true? Is it possible that you are a thought or an idea or a story or any kind of construct? Can you be absolutely sure that you are anything that you can conceive of?

People's opinions are not in your control. Something inside believes that if you just think about it or worry about it a bit more, then you can somehow fix people's views in to how you want them to be. But again, it is just not true. See, deeply, that you can not control what people think of you.

And forgive yourself for worrying or dwelling on things. Don't fight with yourself, but give yourself permission to let it go, not because it would just make you feel better, but because it was never your responsibility to care for it in the first place. It feels painful because you have taken up a burden that was never your own. Let people think what they want. Literally, LET them, ALLOW them to. If they are allowed to, if you give them space, freedom to think and say what they want to, then it doesn't touch you, by giving them freedom, your receive it. And it all came from you.