How To Not Give In To Obsessive Or Harmful Thoughts?

Question:

Had this problem most of my life Adam, but now it's getting out of hand and leading to bad/poor choices, addictions and leading to arguments with other people.

When I stay with such thoughts, just letting them be, something takes over and then I become it and sort of act out and play out these thoughts and I am aware I'm doing it, but nothing is stopping me. Even though I know the dire consequences of my actions. I want to stop hurting others and myself.

Can you offer any advice or help?



Response:

Don't overlook the awareness of it. That is very significant. Many people may behave a certain way, but not even realise they are doing it. If they are accused of shouting, for example. they may shout "I'm not shouting!" 

So the awareness is huge. I'm not sure what else to say, since I don't have many details of exactly how you feel or what you do. Verbally snap? Shout? Actually do things to sabotage people? Whatever it is, if it is there, change the way you express it. If it is just too overwhelming that it takes over, then you can at least alter the expression of it. If you don't want to hurt people unnecessarily, then when you react, rather than just having a go at someone, you can say, "When you do that or say that, I feel intense anger inside me, and I don't know what to do about it." You are aware that the reaction, or the anger of whatever is welling up from within. No one gives you the painful emotion and then says "there, deal with it." It comes from within, so do not treat people as if it is their fault that you are so upset. This is the whole trick, that we often fall for - that the world or the people are the reason for the unhappiness. But the real reason is the mental state, the story, the resistance. No one gives you the suffering.

There probably is not a full allowance of it, which is normal. The emotions and thoughts and resistance are felt as one, so nonresistance seems literally impossible. Allow the resistance. Acting out and hurting others is a way to try to release your own pain, to give it to someone else, or to get it out of your own system. It is an attempt to eject and project what does not feel comfortable. See that this method is not working. It does not heal anything.

Perhaps don't "be with them". This can keep you interested in them, toying with them, holding their hand and feeding them with interest. Don't be with them. Let them be with you if they want, but don't be with anything else. Be alone, and everything else can try to surround you for energy, but you don't touch any of them. Feel the breath, feel the body from within, feel the intelligence in the body.

If you want to continue this a bit, you can comment below, and are free to. If not, then I hope that can help in some way,

Adam