How To Solve Family Drama?

by Zoey

Question:

Hi Adam, I have a question hopefully I can explain it well. My brother is very hot tempered and keeps having fights with the family for no apparent reason. Recently he told us that he wants to not keep any relationship with anyone in the family. My parents were hurt by his words but have tried to stay calm. I have always cared a lot for my brother but during the last few years he has blamed us for all his marital problems and said hurtful things.

Should I confront him about this or leave it alone? I feel I always go to him after he has fought with us and he is okay for a while, but then out of nowhere he starts another fight. Should I let this relationship go? Should I accept he does not want anything to do with us anymore? Thank you for your help.

Response:

I don't know. I don't think I can tell you what to do, or what the best action to take is. All I can ask you is do you want to keep up the relationship? Do you enjoy the relationship? Do you like being around him, do you gain anything from the relationship, does it enrich your life, does it make you feel good?

Accept how he feels, yes. Let him feel however he feels. That does not mean he will never change how he feels, or relationships will never improve. It just means you give him space to have his own experience, rather than trying to give him one that you think is better. I don't know the details of the situation, but if he has said that he does not want to keep a relationship with anyone in the family, then I would say that is up to him. Perhaps family members would be better off? Perhaps there would be less drama? Perhaps if he is given space, left alone, he will feel better?

You can speak to him, just express how you feel. It doesn't matter either way. What have you got to lose by letting him know you are there for him? If you think you have a duty as a sister to maintain a relationship, even if you do not really want to, then perhaps this is something to let go of. But then again, perhaps not.

I would just say that if there is something you want to say to him, then say it. If not, then leave it.

Hope that helps, if at all,

Adam

 

Comments for How To Solve Family Drama

(from previous website)

Apr 06, 2016
family drama NEW
by: zoey

Hi Adam thanks for your reply. 
I did speak to him but he was very angry and said some very hurtful words,which i beleive were not needed. 
He asked me to stay out of his issues. I feel very hurt by his hateful words. I have done nothing but stand by him. Even when his wife would be mean to me I would never tell him. Thanks again for your reply.