Take Back Control
A recent one-to-one brought something to light that might be useful for other people...
Whether you are at work, with friends, with family, or just standing in line at the supermarket, some of us can not only be very aware of our surroundings and how other people feel, but also allow other people's feelings or frustrations to push us into acting in a way that is unnatural for us. Hopefully this article can give you some tips on how to resolve this, and stop being unnecessarily rushed or hurried by others.
If You Don’t, Are You Bad?
Any kind of “people pleasing” mentality can come from feeling as if the alternative makes you a bad, selfish or inconsiderate person. There is a balance between respecting others as well as yourself, enough that you are considerate, but not so imbalanced that you let your own peace of mind be ruled by how someone else feels towards you.
Do You Rush Others?
If you feel as if you are easily rushed by the impatience of others, it is also useful to look at how you feel when the roles are reversed. Do you hate waiting for someone? Are you quick to pressure them energetically or vocally? Do you easily become irritated and make assumptions that someone is being selfish or inconsiderate because they are not using their time efficiently enough?
The more you hurry others, even inwardly, the more you will feel the pressure when the roles are reversed. Anyone else pressuring you hits the pressure and expectation you already have within yourself, and the two energies (which are really one) begin to amplify themselves.
An Independent Inner State
The more we come to realise that how we feel is so often a result of HOW WE FEEL, rather than the world giving us feelings and thoughts and emotions to experience, the more we will see that our inner state does not have to be dominated by situations around us. The more we realise this within ourselves, the more we will see that other people’s aggression or pressure or upset towards us, is coming from inside of them, not from us.
This isn’t to say that you can insult someone and say “You’re only upset due to your own reaction, not my words.” You are still clear enough to see what is kind and unkind, considerate and inconsiderate, and so it is easier to sense when someone’s pressure towards you is not as justified as you first believed it to be.
Give Them Freedom
Letting other people feel however they want to feel is also a big one. It really helps to give people that freedom, no longer assuming you have to pacify any emotional discomfort they feel, even if they say it is about “you”. If you give people freedom in their feelings, you receive it for yourself automatically.
Belief In Hurry
We are often trained to believe that if you hurry and rush, you will do things faster and get to the next point quicker. After a while you might realise that by hurrying, you make mistakes more easily, you forget things, you miss things out, so you have to go back and correct your mistakes or do it again, meaning it all takes longer. There is a quote from a Zen master, Sosan, which says:
So the next time you feel hurried or pressured, notice the reaction in yourself, but let it be. Say yes to it. Surrender to it completely. This takes away its power over you, and will no longer create the illusion that to escape this pain, you have to do what the other person wants, and hurry up.
Was this article helpful? Is there anything else you'd like me to expand on, particularly with regard to how to stop being rushed by others? If so, just let me know by commenting below, and if others would benefit from this article, please share via social media.
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Thanks, and all the best,