Introversion From Fear Or Contentment?
Comment (following Part 1):
"Thanks Adam for such a useful advice. I feel like people think I am weird because I don't socialise - all my neighbours are so outgoing and friendly with each other. I don't feel like going out with them.
Also I feel that this is what my 2 little children are learning from me. It really hurts me when my children see that their mom is so introverted. Just worried what if they become like me?"
Response:
So if you are worried your children will pick up the same behaviours, then this must mean that you see your own introversion as a bad thing. It may also indicate that your introversion is partly due to some inner limitation or fear which you detect may somehow be harmful to your experience of the world. Only you can say for sure, but just be honest. Does introversion arise due to fear? If so, this is fine, but watch this fear. Do not identify with it or cling to it. Do not see it as who you are. Allow it, let it be, and in your awareness you may see that it is simply an old energy pattern, perhaps linked to thoughts. Through allowing it, being aware of who is watching it (yourself), it will likely lose its grip and gradually dissolve.
If it hurts when your children see you as introverted, this is really your own mind's judgement about an idea of yourself that creates pain. It is all judgement from your own mind. Relinquish self-judgement, even for a moment, and see how it feels. How does self-judgement help you in this situation? Likely not at all.
Kids are more likely to pick up on motives behind behaviours rather than behaviours in themselves. For example, if someone didn't feel like going out with other people because they were so happy as they were, at home with their family or by themselves- then this does not carry an energy that would hinder children. The basic energy is freedom and happiness, so the children would be affected by this more than the actual introversion. They may feel free and happy, but feel as if they wish to be very socially active, according to their individual nature. If, on the other hand someone (in an extreme situation) was similarly introverted, but because they were paranoid of what would happen if they would step out of the front door - then likely they would speak to and train their children (directly or indirectly) to live in fear of the world - which would likely cause the kids to carry this same fear.
- Do you see the difference? Both are "introverts", but for very different reasons, which affects the kids in different ways.
If your nature is to be introverted, but it comes from a simple lack of interest in doing a lot of socialising with people you do not particularly like, or perhaps it comes from simply being happy to be at home with your children - then surely there is nothing to fear if the kids pick this up? If introversion was due to contentment, of needing no-one else, then likely you would not be worried about this rubbing off on the children. Perhaps what you are worried about is the fear that lives in you being passed on to the kids, and therefore hindering or limiting their expression or actions in Life. if this is the case, follow the advice in the first paragraph of this comment for dealing with this fear.
There is nothing else I can say, other than be aware that your mind seeks to create another fear-based problem of the children becoming introverted. Worry or fear is never helpful for these situations, so witness the worry in yourself as it arises - notice its futility, and how it does not help. If you are introverted and then worry about your kids being introverted - it will only make you feel even more introverted!
Children have their own intelligence. Simply be aware if fear moves through you and tries to mould or influence their actions. this simple awareness is enough to allow parenting occur without placing your limitations on to them.
Adam
"So if one does not socialize because of fear of getting anxious & stressed out, is that wrong? What should one do in that case?"
No it's not wrong. No longer treat anxiety or stress as if it is something to be feared, hidden, avoided or suppressed. No longer judge these things in any way. Feel the feelings without thinking about the feelings. Just feel. Surrender. Let them be there.
When the feelings arise, accept them as if you had chosen they arise. Do not identify with what you can perceive. Everything reports to you and survives from you, whereas you do not need these things to be as you are. Embrace fear and vulnerability, be aware that you are simply the awareness of them. You can not control them, so stop fighting them, as awareness you are unaffected.
Follow this advice, which is basically to accept your feelings without expecting or wishing they be different. If you were to actually adopt this approach, you would witness the paradox of healing or transcendence, without expectation.