Hope you all are well and you all have been enjoying the Christmas and New Year period.
A recent Skype Session I had with someone led me to write up this summary for the person after we spoke. Within it are some valuable tools that everyone could use, so I thought I would share it.
The basic message was this: whatever is troubling you in your life - a person, a situation, a relationship - it is usually troubling because we want to get something from it, and we don’t feel as if this “something” is being yielded to us. How would it feel to not want this "something” from someone else or from a situation? Then how would we feel, and would we be hindered in any way?
What we want from something apparently external, is actually within us, waiting to flow out, and is recognised when we let go of seeking it elsewhere.
Thanks to the gent who said it was fine to share with everyone. Here is the summary of our call, with the basic take home messages:
We just finished speaking, with the take home message of seeing what you are wanting from your wife/life situation, and seeing if these wants or needs are helping you in any way.
The key is to be experimental, playful, non-assuming in terms of what this will mean for the rest of your life.
1) What are you wanting from your wife?
If you are wanting anything like approval/a sense of safety/reassurance from your partner, then you will feel caged to her and every mood and opinion she has of you.
How does it feel to not want these things from your wife?
Probably it feels great.
Are these wants/needs actually doing anything to serve you or her?
Probably, as you mentioned, they are only creating pain.
When we see that these wants/needs are no longer helping us, then we no longer take them so seriously, because they lose their value, their believability.
How does not wanting anything from your wife hinder your relationship?
Probably not at all. It takes you back to your own joy, your own freedom, your own power.
2. Your work and life situation
What are you wanting from these things?
A sense of security, stability, safety.
How would it feel, as an experiment, to not want these things from your work or life?
Probably very good.
But, as many may ask, we do NEED money, security, house etc. to take care of ourselves and our family - don’t we indeed need these things?
To this I would say that when you experience the freedom, the goodness inside from not WANTING stability and security from a world that is always changing, then does this feeling of freedom or goodness stop you from providing for your family?
The answer is certainly “No.” The freedom within is not a hindrance to useful or good action. All it does is empower you for more, it gives you more energy and makes you a stronger person, less needy, more energised, more happy. Everything is better when you aren’t wanting and needing to get something from whatever is happening. It means you become better at whatever you do, because without that NEED, saying “the security is somewhere outside where everything is insecure”, we notice that the feeling of security is within. It can then flow out and create good things, effortlessly.
So that was the take home message. Whatever is troubling you, see what you are wanting or needing from it. Then see what it is like to no longer want or need this thing from something around you, and see if you are in any way hindered.
You will find, that contrary to our conditioning, you are not at all held back. You are set free.
Also, when you are experimental, and feel: "Oh yes, it would be great to not need approval from this person," - you can experience that freedom instantly, in less than a second. It is not a matter of time. It is not a letting go process. When you are playful, experimental, it is easy to let go of things easily, and see how it feels to be free of something you were holding on to. And then when we look to see if we are in any way hindeered by this uncovered, free flowing state, we see that we do not have to bring back those old stagnant energies ever again, because they have no use for us anymore.
We also spoke about the value of simply being aware of your breath during the simple, more easy tasks of life, eg whilst driving, even if the radio is on, whilst eating, whilst doing anything simple. This takes your baseline level of awareness into a more open space, and means the emotional 'attacks' will become less consuming, gradually."