Someone emailed me with a question. I tried to email back but the email address did not work. I hope you can read it now! Here we go...
I was hoping that you might be able to help me. I have been feeling depressed for quite some time now. Some days I am feeling better however sometimes I feel very down and I am not sure what caused it.
A lot of people around me are telling me to take fish oil or vitamin b3 as a natural cure, to be honest I have tried it and still not feeling any better. I find it hard to work or even socialise like it's too much effort all I want to do is close the curtains and stay home all day.
Everyone around me keeps saying I will get over it but when I hear that I only feel more angry. It's not something I can control. If I could would I not be cured of it by now? I really don't know what to do. I feel as though I am missing out on so much in my life because I just don't feel like doing anything. I am really tired of this roller coaster. I am tempted to see the doctor but I really don't want to take any medication. I don't know whether feeling like this has do with my mind or a chemical imbalance. I am so tired and frustrated I have researched day and night for an answer but it only works temporarily and before I know it the dreaded feeling is back. I don't want to live like this anymore. I am not only a pain to myself but to those around me because I can't seem to be stable. Thank you for letting me vent and hope to hear from you soon. Thank you.
Thanks for your message. Let’s see what we can do…
First of all, nothing is wrong. People might call it wrong, thoughts in your mind may call this situation wrong, but I feel this is a very limited way of looking at it. It is not the whole story.
I do not feel as if I have a complete, water-tight understanding of depression. As you know, some will say its due to chemicals in the brain and body, and you must do something to change the chemistry. Others might say it is purely based on thoughts - the thoughts being believed that flow through the mind. Others might say it is more energetic, or down to conditioning, or genetics.
I don’t really know, but I do feel that sometimes it is a natural way of forcing you to rest. Do you feel as if you have been very active or working very hard over recent years? Sometimes it is just nature’s way of saying: “It is time you recharged.”
Other times it seems to be a force that pushes someone to look deeper within themselves and who they are. Sometimes it forces people to grow or find what is real within themselves.
Socialising can be fun, and sometimes it can be draining. I don’t know what you think about it, but I see nothing wrong with not socialising. Sometimes you just need to get away from all the noise, all the conditioning of the world, and go back to your true place within yourself.
Do you really feel as if you are missing out on things, or is this just a thought that appears in the mind? In any case, the conflict is what makes it seem much more dense and ongoing - the conflict of "how I feel vs how I want to feel" will keep me feeling how I don’t want, in most cases.
There is something else you could ask yourself:
“What would it take for me to be happy? What would make me happier?” or “What would release me from this feeling of depression?”
Sit with this question and see what springs up inside yourself. Take note of what comes up. Sometimes, or often with human beings, we are taught that completion, or happiness, or fulfilment, will come in the future when “I get this or that” or “when I can do this” or “when I can stop doing this.” When we have and believe these thoughts, it always make it feel as if natural peace is somewhere outside of us, attainable in the future but unattainable now. See if this is the case for you. See what happens if you no longer demand from yourself a reason to feel better. Sometimes people feel depressed because of “X”. What if you didn’t demand that “X” made you happy? Then how would you feel right now?
Perhaps you feel slightly cheated? That the world has promised you things in terms of happiness, but even when you got the things, the happiness did not stay? The antidote to this is to no longer need a reason or believe in a reason to be happy. Then this can uncover something deeper, something uncaused.
I hope that can help, let me know. I am always open to continue this discussion.
All the best,