Stages Of The Emotional Healing Process Part 3
Emotions Are Not Bad
This is a common theme in the book. We can have a glorified idea that we should be emotionless, no longer human if we are evolved spiritually. Again, the truth of this doesn’t really matter, but the idea of it can destroy your peace of mind. A sage would not care what kinds of emotions arise. They are not personal. They are not measures of who you are. Emotions can have a purpose - even anger has a purpose at times. As long as we are not in conflict with ourselves, then we can remain conscious, and emotions are naturally used for our benefit and the benefit of the situation.
Resistance Is Not To Be Resisted
Resistance is not bad either. If you find there is great resistance to your own feelings, simply notice the resistance, and offer no resistance to it.
"It's Getting Worse. Am I Doing It Wrong?"
During the emotional healing process, it is likely that things will return. I myself suffered a while with intense anger and frustration, massive heat in the body in certain social or isolated situations. There was a great deal of pent up energy and frustration from people or the world not meeting my expectations, but suppression of certain emotions because I didn’t want to hurt people or make situations worse. This Painmaker energy, even after made conscious, survived for a long while after, and at first, got even more intense.
"Why is this getting worse now if I'm aware of it?"
"It feels even more painful. Am I doing it wrong? I must be!"
"Am I not accepting this enough? Why is it getting worse?"
This happens with a lot of people. They manage to notice emotions, rather than being fully dragged in, but then experience emotional pain worse than ever. There are a few reasons, perhaps, why this is:
Since you are more conscious, you are more sensitive. You can feel something more acutely, rather than just being taken over and blinded by it.
The Painmaker energy or thought energy is used to your belief, interest, identification and attention. If this starts to be removed, it can flare up to be more easily fed. It can try to create confusion to pull your attention back into chaos, and into resisting it. It is like someone who is desperate for a fight, so much so that they start to beat you. On an internal level, with your own emotions, turn the other cheek. "Resist not evil" when it comes to your own thoughts and feelings. Let your mind hit you, so to speak. Be a punch bag for thoughts, and you will notice that you lose your solidity.
As something is released, it is felt more intensely. Something has been below the surface for a while, coming up to feed every now and again. As it comes up to feed, it is not met with the food of your interest and resistance, and it comes up further to look for food. It looks and looks and comes up more and more, and as it is released out of you, it is felt in its fullness, in its purity, and so it feels more intense. Take it as part of the release process. As something is felt more strongly, it is being released.
Do You Deserve It? Do They Deserve It? Does The Situation Deserve It?
A final tip to help with the emotional healing process, is to question whether the object of your pain deserves it.
Does the person really deserve your anger or your thoughts? Does the situation deserve your anxiety? Do you deserve to suffer?
The last one might bring up some surprising answers. On some level, we can be conditioned to believe that we DO deserve to suffer, or that suffering is valid in certain situations. Uncovering these beliefs in oneself is the first stage. Then it is up to you to see if it is really true - are you sure you deserve it? How can you be sure?
With all of this, it is very helpful to not be too sure of things - not sure about how you should feel, not sure what your painful thoughts mean, not sure if they should be there or not, not sure if your thoughts are to be trusted. The uncertainness creates space. When we are certain of how we should feel, who we are, what our thoughts mean - then when we are experiencing negativity we can begin to feel stuck. All of the mental certainty creates a rigidness or a hardness. There is tremendous value in realising you don’t actually know for sure how you should be feeling. It creates space for self-forgiveness, or self allowance.
Be aware that all of your emotions consist of your own energy. If you are focused on something or someone negatively in your life - do they deserve your precious energy?
The Universal Intelligence
A final final tip. Sometimes you might feel that despite this book, despite the videos or meditations or advice on the same topic - it all still feels useless. You still feel as if you are suffering. There is one more thing you can try, if it resonates with you.
Open up to the universe for help. You might have a different word for it - God, Nature, The Whole, Infinite Intelligence. If it is anything for you, simply open up and ask for help. Hand some responsibility over as to how you feel and how you should be feeling. Let God take the burden and the care and the responsibility. Treat all experience as if it is the will of the universe at that moment, and see what happens.