Question:
Hi Adam,
I have been following your website for quite some time now. I have learned a lot from your teachings. I am very grateful.
I used to have a lot of inner resistance within me. From your website and listening to teacher's like Mooji I have allowed the resistance to be there but not wish it away, just be in acceptance, which has helped me a lot rather than fighting with it.
This is something I can do when I am alone however when i meet someone who is critical of me or a family member who shows jealousy towards me, I tend to loose my peace and keep going over the conversation I had with them in my head.
My question is what am I supposed to do when I meet people who are negative or judgmental and evoke negative feelings inside me?
Thank you,
Michelle
Response:
Hi Michelle,
Thanks for your message, I'm glad the site has been helpful for you.
So when the conversation goes over and over in your head, it is a great thing to actually go with it totally rather than trying to reach the end of it. Often thought patterns like this feel painful, addictively painful, and it is as if they lure the attention in, saying: "If you follow me, then I will lead you out of this pain". Actually what happens is the attention gets sucked in, hoping for a way out, all the while resisting and never getting anywhere.
We all want an end to it. It is as if the conversation in the head will lead you to peace, to a conclusion, but it never does. Notice that it never does. Just notice.
Then call its bluff. Let the conversation in the head get as strong as it wants, and see what happens to you. Does anything ever happen to you? See how much power it has over you once you stop thinking it is wrong to be having that experience. It isn't wrong, it's just an experience.
Also there might be a tendency to look for acceptance from others before you accept yourself, or in other words, before you stop resisting your own self image. If someone shows distaste towards you in any way, it can be easy for us to then believe that we need fixing, and we need to think our way out of it. But to tie your own self acceptance to the moods, words and facial expressions of others means that you will never be at peace. It is like a rule we never get taught at school - if you worry about what he says or she says, then you simply will never be at peace. It is almost like a choice you have to make - either you are concerned about what others say to you or think of you, sacrifice your peace and end up being a slave to them, their opinions and limitations. Or you choose peace, let go of the concern over what they say, and then be free and strong in all regards.
But then you sacrifice the illusion that you can control what they think. You also lose your victim identity, and that can be scary.
What happens if you don't actually want the conversation in your head to end, rather than wanting it to? Let me know.
Also, if you resist negativity in someone else, it is difficult to not feel that same energy within yourself. There is a tendency to want to block the negativity, to keep it out by resisting it in some way, but then you can harden something that isn’t even significant. Let it blow past you. If it gets inside you, let it pass through again. The resistance to it creates a home for it to live in, under disguises and words and stories. To not resist it anymore means that it actually loses its power over you. What you will actually DO from there will be unpredictable, but without the resistance to negativity, action tends to be cleaner and more effective if it is even necessary.
You can also imagine yourself surrounded by a golden or white light, or any colour that feels clean and strong to you. You can see it as a bubble surrounding you. Then affirm that only the highest vibrations can exist within this light.
Hope that helps, let me know,
Adam