Your website really resonated with me. I am going through what I feel is a shift. I am in constant anxiety/worry pattern with a few bouts of anger like you described you were in before you discovered the peace within. I got a good degree and am currently in a reasonable job which I have lost all passion for.
I feel no job is for me and all I want to do is meditate and do yoga to try and release this pain. I have begun to understand how important acceptance and experience of feeling is but I find it hard to detach from the thoughts and emotions. I am currently undergoing an audio six week guided program by a spiritual teacher called John Ruskan. It has brought all the emotions to the surface but now I find it hard to accept and experience without resistance. I am tired of feeling this way and all I desire now is peace. Is there any advice you can give to maybe help with this situation? Thank you for reading this.
Hi, thanks for your message.
While going through this shift you describe, turbulent emotions rising to the surface are often an inevitable part. Often we hear about all the pleasantries of awakening such as peace and joy, but often we do not hear about all the stale energies no longer being fed or suppressed, and now rising up in full force.
Let them happen. Take no responsibility for any sensation or thought. Have no strain, no desire to feel differently. Give up interpreting your inner state, or even trying to release or transcend. Totally allow the moment to be as it is, which includes thoughts and emotions.
Resistance will come up habitually. Do nothing about it. Do not take yourself to be the resistive entity. Resistance is not you, it is just old mind behaviour. All you can do is witness resistance, allow it, without trying to change it. Don’t try to feel any particular way, just align yourself with your inner state by letting even the resistance be as it is.
The sense of difficulty to detach from thoughts and emotions often comes from the ego. It finds it impossible, and says “I can’t detach”. Even this strong sense of attachment to thoughts and emotions is witnessed by you. Be a witness to everything, including the sense of attachment, and the difficulty detaching. Then you find something is naturally detached. It can witness detachment and nonattachment.
If you feel like it, you can look in to what feels attached to thoughts, what can not allow these feelings to be without resistance. What is this entity? Is it real? Is it a person? What is its foundation? You may find then when looked at closer, no one can be found. Leave it at that.
All of these feelings claim importance, when really they are not. Be aware that they all arise in an emptiness, a space which is unaffected. The same way that a cloud moves in the sky, emotions and thoughts move in the emptiness that you are.
I hope that helps somehow. In terms of your working life, I don’t feel there is much I can say, other than remain surrendered. Let the body take action, notice that if you simply watch without intention for a particular outcome, the body moves in accordance with a greater intelligence, rather than just a “me doing it” inside the head. Right action comes from working with life, accepting what comes, rather than resisting and trying to force a solution on to something.
The more you let life live through you, your decisions can be made automatically through intuition or direct action, rather than mental deliberation. You may stay in the job, but it will not seem like such a big deal. Or you will find another one showing up that attracts you. Or it may all feel intolerable and you may drop it. Or any other possibility could happen. Let inner silence and nonresistance be the foundation of your outer life. Then all takes care of itself. Of course action can still take place, but it has less strain in it.
If you feel you have any more questions, just ask. Thanks for your question and feedback,
All the best,