Question:
Hi Adam,
How do I deal with a toxic family member? It seems this person is always mean to me and will ignore me. Please help.
Response:
Hi, I tried to email you back but the email address you gave did not seem to work…
Toxic energies
we call them a toxic person.
But see it as energetic,
not as a personal thing.
An energy lives inside them and breathes out garbage,
and we think it is the fault of the shell.
The energy inside will seek to live in other minds,
it will seek to live in yours,
it will enjoy having power over your inner state.
What happens if you no longer expect anything from the person?
If you can let them be as they are, if you can let them ignore you, let them be mean, let them be exactly as they are?
Your mind may say that you would then lose your power,
but have you ever tried it, just once?
To let them be exactly as they are…
What happens?
There is freedom, and there is power.
Not power to personally manipulate, but power and space to express or act if it is necessary.
there is no longer a clogging up of impulses through resistance.
If you don't resist the other, you don't feel dependent on them to treat you a certain way, or to be a certain way.
Does Resistance Help You?
If the above feels impossible, then I don't know what else to say.
See if your resstance helps you. See if it empowers you. Just notice whether it does or not. You don't have to change it.
Wanting Something
Do you feel as if you want anything from them?
If you want something from another person - such as love, validation, approval or security, then naturally your attention will feel attached ot them and very much a victim of how they act.
If you don't want anything from anyone, particularly in this case emotionally, then you are free.
It Is Not Your Fault
Something else to mention is that you may feel as if them being in a negative state is your fault. As if you are the cause of it. You haven't given them any negative feelings and then put them inside of the person, so it is not your issue. If they communicate something to you about how you may be upsetting them, then perhaps this is something to discuss, but you are not responsible for their thoughts and emotions. So don't try to be.
I recorded a few thoughts about this that you can listen to here:
You can also check out this page on how to deal with negative family members.
There is also this page on the same topic.
Also this page.
Hope that can help,
Adam