Confidence and Body Image
Question:
Hi Adam!
Can you do a post on insecurity? I am a female and constantly bombarded with pictures of models on social media and feel so worthless after. Even if I have a confident moment, it all goes downhill when I see someone my mind thinks looks better and it’s really hard to pull out of it when that happens.
Thank you!
Response:
Hi,
Thanks for your question.
Although we are programmed to derive our sense of self from how we look, perhaps it would be useful for you to experiment with giving that a rest for a moment.
If we are out of touch with who we really are, how others perceive us takes on an extra importance that becomes quite disempowering. Out of touch with any sense of confidence or security within ourselves, we start to seek it from others.
Of course there's nothing wrong with looking good or taking time to present yourself a certain way. That's natural too. But it might be helpful for you to take looks out of the equation for a moment when it comes to how you feel on the inside.
This is easier said than done, but the first step is to become friendly with the feeling or vibration of confidence within you. It exists and it is unconditional. It is not based on looks or personality traits. It is just a certain energy level. To start to access it, just ask yourself: "how does confidence feel?" or "how WOULD confidence feel?". Then invite or ALLOW the feeling.
You are not demanding anything from yourself or setting any goals for how to be. You are just finding a way to access the unconditional confidence within, without the help of a mind that is used to constantly resisting it for whatever reason.
Just become friendly with the feeling of it when you are alone. Relax the idea of conditions around it. True confidence doesn't need reasons to be felt. It just is. Notice that any resistance towards this feeling of confidence e.g. "I look bad" .
Notice that this resistance FEELS BAD, and the feeling bad is a signal that the thought is out if alignment with your true power, so it isn't true. See "bad-feeling" thoughts as nudges from your true being, trying to tell you to stop thinking this way. The trouble is that we tend to think that suffering is valiant or worth it in the long run. We are are often taught that the path to the good stuff is walked by wading through the bad stuff, so we tend to give great importance to negative thoughts and energies when they arise.
Let yourself experience the feeling of confidence, first by letting it be hypothetical - "IF I was confident, how would it feel?".
The mind might resist quickly, saying you need to look a certain way before you can feel a certain way. This just isn't true. It literally is not true, and you will discover that for yourself. The more you start to enjoy this feeling, the more it will grow on your life, and gradually it will become a more stable resting place for you that you have no desire to depart from.
As for the way your body looks, it will follow how you feel. Any natural improvements that you want to happen will happen much more easily when you are no longer giving yourself reasons to not experience the confidence of your true self.
Soon looks become secondary. You might start to realise that how you feel is infinitely more important than how you THINK you look. And we all know that a truly confident person is far more pleasant to look at than someone who is believing in their own insecurity.
I hope that helps, let me know if it does.
Adam
Question:
Adam,
I just want to let you know how beautifully written that was. It really does help me SO much!
See, where I was getting stuck is that whenever I was starting to feel my confidence, I really did believe I had to look a certain way first so I never really relaxed into it. Now I can see how looks really are secondary. It seems that when I am in my confidence or just in a good mood in general, I definitely feel that I look better.
So nicely written :) I will definitely forward it to a few friends!!!
I have one more, unrelated, question for you that has to do with regrets and making the same mistake over and over…read more by clicking here.
Inner Peace Now > Emotional Wellness > Confidence and Body Image