Question:
Hi Adam,
I have been following your newsletter for a long time and I really like your work,
I actually need help on dealing with my mental health, I need help on dealing with stress, anxiety and bulimia.
Thanks for your consideration and the will to help.
Have a wonderful week.
Response:
Hello,
Dealing With Anxiety
Anxiety is often an attempt to control something that we don't want to happen. The mind presents an image of something negative that it is sure is going to happen, and the anxiety is an attempt to try to stop it from happening. It's as if the anxiety thinks that if it can create enough drama around something, then this will help to stop it from happening. Of course this doesn't work at all. If anything it does the opposite - it makes you focus on something unwanted, but tricks you into thinking you are avoiding it.
A basic tip for anxiety is finding some relief in letting go of control over what people think. What they think or say is literally out of your control. You can't control it no matter how much you try or how much you suffer.
You can't control the world around you through suffering either. The world will only respond to negativity by giving you more of it. It doesn't see your negativity as a sign to help you out. Seeing the fruitlessness of your own suffering can help, especially when your anxiety is at lower levels. This will be hard to do when you feel very anxious, so don't bother then. But when you feel slightly calmer, notice that an increase in anxiety never actually helps anything in any way. Then when it tries to creep back in, you'll take it less seriously. You won't believe it is the protector that it pretends to be.
Dealing With Stress
The same goes for stress. Stress acts like it is helping you keep everything together. But it just drains energy and fogs your intuition. Don't push back against stress. It is just showing you that the thoughts you are thinking are out of alignment with your true intelligence. They feel bad because you are creating them by yourself, not with the assistance of your true being, which is connected to everything else.
Again, noticing that calmness and clarity is FAR more effective is what will allow you to experience more of it. Appreciate any form of calmness, peace or clarity when you have quieter moments, and then these emotional states will grow in your life. Forget about dealing with stress or anxiety. Instead begin to line up with what you actually do want. Appreciate peace, appreciate comfort, appreciate ease. Then they grow.
Dealing With Bulimia
As for bulimia, I haven't experienced that for myself directly, so I'm not sure if my advice will be at all helpful. It is all rooted in resistance, inner discomfort and a feeling of unworthiness. It is a symptom of an inner resistance towards yourself. You have to experiment with your inner state. Ask yourself things like: "how would it feel to be free for a moment?", "how would it feel to not care what other people are thinking?", "how would it feel to not need to control the thoughts of the world?", "how would it feel to be nice to myself?", "how would it feel to give myself permission to feel good?", "how would it feel to actually realise that the solution to everything is just to feel better in myself?"
The let yourself feel the answer.
The Value Of Feeling Bad
The reason so many people feel some form of wretchedness inside is that we are trained to believe that feeling bad is a good corrector of stuff we don't like. If you have ever done anything that someone else didn't like, they would have probably done or said something to try to make you feel bad to correct you. We get taught that the way to BE better is to feel bad first, so that the bad feeling is a motivator for change. Of course this is totally crazy, absolutely ridiculous, but it gets wired into us somehow.
People use guilt, shame and blame in an attempt to control others. So when we try to control ourselves, we often end up using the same tactics. Emotional self torture.
We often believe in the value of feeling bad. We can often think that on the other side of the struggle there will be a reward. But the struggle never ends.
We have to learn and come to terms with the value of feeling good. Any form of good - clear, peaceful, calm, happy, joyous, ecstatic - these are energetic, creative states that improve everything around us. Make friends with the idea of feeling at ease. Seeing the VALUE in it will draw it closer. The more we realise that any remotely good feeling is actually the portal to a better life, means that we will LET ourselves experience more of it.
What Does The Universe Think?
In times where all of this seems impossible to reach for, I have found the following question very effective:
"Instead of what I think, what does the universe think?"
Then tune to the entire universe around you, within you, and listen to the broader part of your mind instead of the little conditioned one in your head.
The word "universe" could be replaced with "being", "infinite intelligence", "God", or whatever works for you.
Hope that can help. Let me know if it does.
Adam
Inner Peace Now > Emotional Wellness > Dealing With Stress, Anxiety and Bulimia