The opening paragraph from one of my books “Undisturbed: A Guide To Emotional Wellness” was shared on Instagram:
Someone commented beneath:
This is ok but don’t we all live for good emotions and feelings? Don’t we all want to feel good and do everything in this life to feel good and to feel a little bit better? Isn’t all our industry built upon producing things making us feel better? All these films, music, art, cinema, travels - everything is for making us feel good? So I understand that to feel good is important in human psychology and comes as a first basic need...so why should we not to try to feel good or just don’t attach to feeling good? Let it just come be disassociated with it don’t hang on to it don’t get pleasure out of it? So I ask you what’s the purpose, juice and meaning of living if I don’t hang on to feeling good? What’s left there to live for if I can’t feel good anymore? Why do you suggest such a thing...not hanging on to good feelings? Can you please clarify that...thank you.
My response:
Good question. I would say that our natural good feelings of wellbeing arise naturally when we are in a state of nonresistance. If you find yourself feeling good, then absolutely enjoy it, allow it and maintain it if possible. The quote from the image is primarily aimed at people who feel stuck in the more unpleasant emotions and feelings that they are unconsciously trying to battle against, not knowing that the battle can sometimes make these things feel even worse. If you feel good, you might notice that it doesn't go away if you are free from resistance. If you are feeling bad, the nonresistance can help free up that pain more easily so it can move on. If you are at a stage where you can feel good just through the power of your own focus, then by all means let that happen and enjoy your life. For some people, they might feel so stuck and full of negativity that they feel a victim of their own thoughts and feelings. The quote in the picture might be helpful for them in this case, where they can create some space for the natural state of peace, ease or joy to arise. Thanks for asking such a clarifying question. Adam.
Q: So u mean the people full of negativity must show nonresistance to this negativity let the negativity be...so letting the negativity be while you are not hanging on to it is the solution you offer for these kind of people?
A: It's one way of dealing with things. For example, letting yourself feel annoyed is far more helpful than hating yourself for feeling annoyed or fighting your own annoyance. If we give ourselves permission to feel however we are feeling rather than condemning the feelings, then suddenly there is some more space, the feelings don't seem quite so harsh or heavy, and the suffering decreases.
When thoughts or feelings become more conscious through our allowance of them, another result is that we intuitively sense that they are not the truth of who we are. They are energies that come and go, sometimes seeming to hijack our identities. When they are seen as visitors instead of who we are, then gradually they consume us less and less.
Resistance tends to clog things up. If people want lighter experiences such as happiness or satisfaction, this is very difficult to achieve if we are resisting denser energies within ourselves. Resistance can be like a hand covered in glue. It tries to push an uncomfortable feeling away, but ends up stuck to it, accidentally holding on. Adam.
Q: But in my experience and what I found is that letting the negativity be makes the negativity worse...I let one negativity and after comes another negativity...it never ends...and negativity gets stuck and never goes...it becomes intense...because I can see the immediate results in my body....so offering no resistance and letting negativity be doesn’t solve the problem in my case and I think in most people’s case...there must be something more like exploring positive aspects of immediate and current reality, thinking positive, or if there’s not - creating this positive reality or experience...sorry for my words but I’m questioning all the techniques and views including this showing non resistance to negativity thing…in most of my experiences letting negativity be doesn’t solve the problem...something more positive like shifting my focus to more positive things and doing the things that which I like the most, involving in only things that make me feel good...thinking thoughts that make me feel good...doing things that are relaxing me soothing me...help me most...what’s your opinion about ignoring negativity and shifting focus on positivity or creating a positive experience...thank you...and also thank u for answering all my questions patiently...I’m honoured...thank you.
A: It's good to question things, and I think everyone should stick to what works for them. I would say we are talking about two aspects of the same thing. You mentioned ignoring negativity and shifting focus to something more positive. I think this is great. You are ignoring negativity without resistance, which gives your attention space to focus on things that feel better. This is perfect. Sometimes when we think we are "allowing" negativity, really we are accidentally wallowing in it, feeling stuck in it or unconsciously resisting it. What you are talking about is still non resistance, and you are at a stage where your mind is open and present enough to be able to let better things in or focus on things that feel better. I mentioned more about this shift to feeling good on a recent video I made - it's called "Easier Meditation" on my IG page (and linked below) - it's about allowing ourselves to shift our focus to things that feel better, rather than believing we have to stay stuck to more dense energies. Hope it can help!
Q: Oh yes now I got it...what u say is great and thank u for clarifying…yeah I watched your video and that’s why I needed to ask you about shifting to more positive things...because in what is we can see there are negative energies, things, feelings, but on the other hand there are also positive energies and feelings, so why get stuck in the negative energies and not exploring positive ones, dwelling on them, letting them in and taking pleasure from that...we can do it...yes your explanation makes me understand things clearly...thank you for your words...it definitely helped a lot..thank you...much love. ❤