Social Anxiety And Pain
Taken from the comments section of this article on Pain Body - What It Is And How To Be Free.
QUESTION:
Hi Adam,
Great article, thank you!
I mostly encounter my painbody in interaction with other people, for example when communication gets tense or someone talks to me in an angry way, that seems to trigger old pain immediately and my 'harmed ego' shoots into reaction. Mostly that leads to a reaction from the other party and things can then easily escalate.
The problem is that I can only get to a more neutral and allowing position once I get out of this situation, out of the interaction. It's only then that I can become 'consciously aware' again. And if I wouldn't resist the energy that develops during the situation things might get completely out of hand :-)
What would be your advice on learning to deal with this?
Warm regards,
Olivier, Bruges
RESPONSE:
Hi Oliver, thanks for your message.
Good question. I would say that it will get easier and easier if you focus more on peace, calm or clarity when you are indeed out of these situations. The turbulent situations can be difficult to really "do" anything with beyond what has been mentioned in this article. Allowing more and more presence in your life when you are less challenged means that this aspect of yourself will grow stronger and stronger, and will gradually diminish old pain without you even trying.
I would say, however, that if you weren't to resist the energy in these situations - would they really get out of hand? I realise what you mean - that the pain might get so strong that it would produce an unwanted action - but if it is truly not resisted - allowed to be - then the expression of the pain can become more conscious.
For example, instead of lashing out, you might find yourself saying "When you do this I feel extremely angry, and I don't know what to do with the anger". This can be more effective than habitually biting back, in an attempt to have the final bite. With that said, raising your voice or "biting back", so to speak, is not even wrong in itself, but action becomes blind when we are still resisting our pain, when we believe an action based in resistance will help to free us from the pain inside.
These trigger-situations are helpful in showing you how much importance you are giving to other people's opinions, and how much you are depending on someone else to make you feel good about yourself. The antidote is to gradually ALLOW yourself to feel good unconditionally, without needing anyone's permission. Then gradually these situations will feel less threatening to your sense of self and overall wellbeing.
I hope that can help, let me know if it does!
All the best,
Adam
For more on dealing with emotional pain, I recommend reading my book:
Inner Peace Now > Emotional Wellness > Pain Body In Social Situations